Sigmund Freud says i have a deathwish.

I am deeply in love with everything self destructive. Things that are bad for me, i cannot live without. Not for me the peaceful comfortable life. I am not content to be content. I am more afraid of being a sheep, average and normal, than i am of being outcast, risking personal harm or failing. I saw this video the other day and it almost explains why i do what i do. Trying and failing is far more preferable to me than taking the safe road. For me, victory is far less important than the pain i go through to achieve it. I don't remember the awards or trophies i have, but i remember every painful moment. I treasure those memories and exalt in experiencing them and conquering them. Not for me the boasting of accomplishments or the flaunting of wealth. When i hit the gym, i don't look forward to being chiseled or ripped, its just a side effect. I eagerly push myself to strain and suffer. It is both penance and vindication to me. It purges me of complacency and for that one hour a day, i am free.

I love wingsuit videos and parkour back when it was unpopular and very underground. When people would call me crazy and security guards would chase me out of parks with a baton. When people gave me wierd looks. I felt alive. These are people that are alive. There is nothing more beautiful than enjoying something that everyone around you cannot understand or appreciate. Its mine and mine alone. I love knowing that normal human beings physically cannot do what i can. I love that they do not understand how it feels or why i do it. Its also why i love competition. I am not content to just do it better than everyone else. Thats just the tip. To bring something to another level. To be so far above everyone else that you so dominate the sport that you change it. To take something so far that it becomes unrecognizable, is transcendant.

Winning a championship, and walking away without the trophy so you can go back to training.
Running until you puke, wipe the puke away and picking another destination.
lifting until your body pumps battery acid alone in the gym.

Arnold Schwarzenegger once said "I knew i was a winner. I knew i was destined for great things. People say that kind of thinking is immodest. I agree. Modesty is not a word that applies to me in any way. I hope it never will."
He was once a kid that went from austria to dominate three completely unrelated fields; Bodybuilding, Acting and Politics. He started lifting when he was just 15. He would break into the local gym on weekends because it was closed to lift alone. He couldn't even speak english when he started "acting". His political career started as a joke... until he made it serious. Granted not the best role model, but damn good achievements for a kid whose childhood highlight was when his family bought a refrigerator.

Let them look down on the black sheep. its more fun to be this guy anyway: